i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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