I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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