I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
