this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
