The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
