i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
