A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
