Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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