i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
