My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
