I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
