i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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