It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
