Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
