My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
