i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
