I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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