i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
