Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
