Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
