My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
