The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
