dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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