This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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