New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he thought i was a dude.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
