Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
