the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
