It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
