Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
