Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
