Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think I won the penis lottery.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
