you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
