in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
