How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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