Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
