Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
