she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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