my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
