some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
