It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
