I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
