Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
