I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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