this beer tastes like vomit already
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
