So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
