I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
