3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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