Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
