Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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