i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
