i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
